Kaylaroo

Everything is relevent

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 00:24:58 GMT

Try as I might I can't imagine Gandhi tweeting. Hey whatever works though. I'll take it.

Nostalgia will always find you.

free writing free masons free willy free cell free peoples free fall free music free free free

I love how words can shed their meaning. After all, meaninglessness is the natural state of language.

At least 75% retarded

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 08:06:01 GMT

I somehow forgot my password for facebook. I havent used that password for eons and I somehow managed to sign on last night by answering secret questions. Already the rents are trying to force me off this computer. Switzerland is beautiful of course. Its about the most pristine place I have ever seen. The mountains really give you perspective (humans are less than ants in relation to these hulking mountains).

I miss my boys a lot.

They are the only reason I would ever consider coming back. (Although I don't envy them the Winter that they have).

I miss you.

I feel isolated here at the top of Europe. At least I have the mountains to comfort me.

Write or call you when I can.

I think my life is changing

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Wed, 13 May 2009 01:37:50 GMT

I'm going to try to stop handicapping myself

no

I'm going to stop handicapping myself.

Also, working for the man is not for me...

So I'm going for it

and if I end up on the street well at least I'll be a doctor

Animal behavior here I come baby

(even if you smell like rancid meat and cat urine)

The allure of tomorrow is always stronger than today

Even though Valentine's Day is bullshit

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 18:55:23 GMT

I had a really awesome one.

Called on account of economic crisis

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 19:30:00 GMT

I guess I didn't really expect to feel the pinch of economy or at least not yet. That's when you know you're not a kid anymore. The news is relevant. But we'll make it.

PauL and Corey are leaving so I've read and heard. I never see you guys much anyway but I guess that seals it. More East coast traitors. I feel like going too. I hope you get out.

And in the end we may all make our separate moves out there and reconvene. The west coast calls me a little more each day.

Ian wants me to play CS. Its been a long time since a boyfriend has tried that one on me. I remember how you all were about that game. Maybe its more fun than it looks. I did like halflife.

Oh and I got a kitten. Probably didn't get the job though.

Happy belated Birthday to Keith. Sorry I was too sick to show.

Eclectic is good.

Making a list and not stopping to check it at all

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 19:19:10 GMT

I know what I need to do now. Finally some focus.

There is so much but I think I might be able to handle it?

Well a normal person could handle it so why not me.

Here goes operation making up for lost time.

Don't plan the plan if you can't follow through

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 02:58:21 GMT

I love cats

Today is not my day

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:29:26 GMT

Or is it?

No no it really isn't.

I like my scruples

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 02:32:07 GMT

and I miss my Mike.

also... potatoes for both.

It feels so good

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 05:26:12 GMT

for the world to be so right.

Listen up Florida.. don't blow it.

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 14:29:22 GMT

So many people have given up on government and I can't blame them. I too was ready to give up on politics. If nothing else, this presidential race has given so many people hope again. There is a 98% chance that Obama will win the popular vote today. McCain's only chance is to steal the election through our electoral college system. Florida is one of the most important battlegrounds because we have 27 electoral votes.

So come on Florida... let's show the world that we aren't fuck ups and be the nail in McCain/Palin's political coffin.

To those people who are still skeptical about Obama - have you ever listened to the man? He has done everything right here and his ideas really have potential to save this country from itself.

To those defending the status quo... step aside and realize that you are the minority and you're standing in the way of what is good and necessary for our country.

Let's do this thing.

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 16:28:37 GMT

This is such a transitional period of my life. I don't know which way is up or down or sideways. Worst of all I feel like I am no longer making progress. There are so many things that parade as progress though. I feel stuck in myself and the role I have created for myself. The only fulfilling things in my life are Ian and research. I feel again that I am waiting for something but also that it wont come to me. I have to go out and make change in my life but I don't know where to start. I need more than what I have allowed for myself.

I thought I would be excited to be out of school but instead I feel a lack of traction. I'm not learning.

In so many ways I am still a child and knowing that doesn't motivate me as it should. I feel so illprepared for this life. There is something about my sensitivity that is damning but the fear is the nail that is sealing me in. To think about it makes me want to avoid it as always. So here I am in this mildly pleasant cyclical purgatory and I'm waiting for a lifeline that I know I have to be for myself.

So waiting is not the answer either, but I feel so tired.

Maybe this job at the University will be the way out. I need a way out.

I think I might go for the gold afterall

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 16:05:31 GMT

This idea is just starting to take hold in my mind and it's still very fragile...

but I may go the academic route and stay in school for the rest of my life

It would be hard, but I think I could make a very good professor.

I just don't think I am cut out for the business world. Academic bullshit I can take.

Still mulling it over. If I get this IRB job I will have at least one more year to work it out.

No longer Ms. Cellophane

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 01:40:35 GMT

All my work might be paying off. I have this great opportunity to work at the University. As long as I don't blow it..

I hope I don't blow it.

I am also slated to present at a professional conference this month. It's time to set myself apart.

I can do this.

In the meantime, I am staying as calm as possible. I could use a little distraction though.

Do you believe in what you want?

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 03:47:37 GMT

All I need is a little inspiration and a little less tedium

but all the same

I'm as happy as I can be right now and it's all your fault

tick tock

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 16:12:14 GMT

I am seriously going to go mad. If I could grow a beard and stick a bone in it I think I would at this point.

Wait no I wouldn't.

I am too confined to be crazy. It's reached that point now I think. There is a freedom in being crazy that I don't think I will ever possess.

Everything seems on the verge of being perfect. And I, the person I am, cannot for the life of me grasp the concept of being content with this contentment.

Maybe it's greed.

I think I will work on going crazy.

Jacksonville side B

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 00:11:42 GMT

And side B is so much sweeter.

Because you can't tow a uhaul behind your hearse

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:30:33 GMT

Moving back to Jax soon but somehow this time I don't feel so upset about it. I know I'm heading back there to work my ass off but I can't help but feel a little excited.

It helps that Ian is excited too.

Despite the upcoming stress, I feel good.

Times they are a'changing again and maybe one day I wont need to be so cynical

No its not the same thing

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 00:45:54 GMT

Going to Nimben soon

its a throw back to the 1960's in town form

home so soon I can almost taste it

almost

Its true

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 08:16:27 GMT

and I'm pretty happy about it

also...

not that long till I'm home

also...

Australia is way cool

and then again

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 13:27:49 GMT

oh fuck I should just go to bed already

So..

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 12:53:31 GMT

I'm in Cairns and I may be slightly buzzed. Its a fun place for the most part. We're going scuba diving and snorkeling in the great barrier reef tomorrow. That's one of the seven wonders of the natural world baby!

I am a little worried, but my karma is good and I am capable of following directions so I think I will be okay.

Its only 10:44pm here and no one is online because its 8:44am at home. I am trying not to drink too much so I wont get sea sick tomorrow.

I am slightly annoyed because my timing has been off all day and I havent gotten a hold of anyone.

If you aren't going crazy nuts here you might as well not go out. I played wing woman earlier and that was fun (and I think Nate appreciated it). I'm not saying its hard being good (because it isnt) but it sure does single me out. The people here are pretty much sluts.

I got my face painted today by an aboriginal (the entire cultural center was pretty degrading to witness and I can't imagine being part of it). I wish there were more people here with brains. Tomorrow should be a blast though.

I am worried about coming home. I hope people can be happy for me that I am happy? Lets hope so...

After the reef tomorrow we're going on the party bus. Yes... a party bus. It could be really amazing.

anyway

cheers

No one is online

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 14:17:57 GMT

I'm tired, cranky and feeling physically ill but its loud in this new hostel and I'm expected to play nice and make friends. I do not feel like playing nice and making friends. I'm pretty apprehensive about coming home but I would really like to have the option to teleport right now.

Fuck

this part kind of sucks

waiting always waiting

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 10:42:53 GMT

There have only been a few precious moments in my life when I have been able to disconnect from the pressures of each day and each future that seems to trail me. Since I have been in Australia, those moments are getting more and more frequent. Someday I may even be chill.

I was lying in the grass in the most beautiful botanical garden today. The sun was shining and the wind was crisp and my mind wandered. It was just lovely lying there barefoot and carefree for just a few minutes with Amanda. The trees were literally brimming with flying foxes and cockatoos fought in the air overhead. It was such a good day. No one rushing me, no one expecting me to do something right or do something wrong... just being.

We went on the manly ferry accross the harbor just in time to see the sun set over the opera house and the Sydney skyline. I just felt light.

Now I am waiting again

We're about to go out on the town and drink ourselves stupid (again) and I can't help feeling a little sad about it. I don't know why really. I guess I miss home. I guess I miss feeling apart of something. The people here are great and God I am having a blast... but there is a tug there that I can't escape (except in those beautiful moments where it feels lessened somehow). How can I simultaneously never want to leave and desperately want to be home?

Don't misunderstand though, I am enjoying myself here. Trust me... I am enjoying myself here. This is the trip and the opportunity of a lifetime and it couldn't have come at a better time. We're all going our own ways soon and it's scary. Maybe that's the feeling I can't shake... a certain uncomfortability with this happiness because I know its all going to change. I hope and I think it will be a good change, and if not, it's still a necessary one.

And for once in a long long time, I feel optimistic and I feel excited and I feel like I have something to give and something to lose. Its a scary thing to have something to lose. Maybe now I have everything to lose, but somehow... I feel like I wont. I hope that's not too naive. Does that safegaurd me since I recognize I may be naive? Thats what we do isnt it, or secretly hope. We will see.

and I miss you. Is that allowed? I miss you.

I don't want to leave here, is that also allowed?

Lets just make the best of this which we have created. We'll be alright. I think I will drink to that.

Just go ahead now

thingsthatglow@hotmail.com — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 22:58:43 GMT

I had a fantastic weekend that I wish had never ended. I almost don't want to leave since things are going nicely. But I know that this is what I need most right now. If anything else, I need to be forced to be with myself. I think going 10,000 miles away from home might be the best place to find that pesky me I keep looking for.

10,000 miles

that is so very far.

It will be good for everyone.

Amor fati